Say Cheers !!!

We move ahead. Sometimes leaving behind, while most of the times carrying with us. At times, we leave behind a little us in someone, or carry a someone in us. Every time we lose some of us behind, we get the other in return. It’s a barter. “Exchange gain or loss”, to be precise. It happens, knowingly or unknowingly.

To tell you the beauty of this is when we look back, we are amazed. Amazed with ourselves. Our own capability to be someone else. Throughout, we fight for being ourselves. Standalone to be us. But, fails to  understand the shift. We are new to us every day, every month, every year. Who says we grow old ? “Newness” is the only essence. New breaths, new webs, new you, new me. We never carry the old us.

Everyday the new laughs at the old, ignores it, gasp at the day end, have some old monk & dies a silent death. No, its not a pain. It’s end, gives a new start. Trust me, its not something to be sad about. It’s a full circle which will finish at its start. If, it get stuck somewhere then it’s not the finish. It may run or crawl, but it will come to an halt.

Don’t be scared to move out of your way. You may not hold back moments but at least, be in those moments. Tomorrow it will someone else day, a new you. Let the old you be happy & satiated.

Cheers !!! :)

Every Night & day

At night when I wake up surrounded by shadows
yes, shadows which follows me everywhere
at the corner we sat, oh the mirror which saw us
bed we shared, laughter that echo
I try to run away from all
only to reach still more near

I try to find you, search everywhere
stop playing this game - I think
I light a candle to make it easy
& there I can see you sleeping
right in the usual corner tugging sheet
there you are, I curse myself

I try to move you, soothe you
box you, kick you
yet, so stern
I called you out, plead you
still, no answer
Tired, I give up

I am too scared to sleep now
try to stay as close as possible
shadows are far behind, I wonder
I wait for light to come
for your opened eyes
& toxic smile

Light come, it takes over
I feel the burn
a pain, a sharp one
I melt, dripping onto you
Heat engulfs, take me with it
I battle, fight it alone, every night...every day









 

Adhoora mera naam

kagaz ke ek kone par

adhoora likha hua mera naam

andekha kar yun palat diya tumne

jaise sagar ki gehrayi ko chu kar

guzarne wali koi benaam lehar ho

jo aati to sagar ke beech apna basera banana

par panah kaha pati hai…..

jaise kisi kavi ki aprakashit

sharmsar hui rachna

likhi to wo bhi gayi usi anubhavi kalam se

par zikr kaha pati hai….

Mano kisi chitrkaar ki bemel rango se saji

Koi adhoori si pari-kalpana

Jo puri hone ki umeedein lgati

Par upekshit he reh jati hai…

I'll take care next time, mummy ji

The title is certainly not the line i would say to my mom. Definitely not. After all, moms are doting in spite of suffering all the calamities we create knowingly. Moms are just so different. But i fail to understand the immense change which comes along with words "in-law". Yes, the nasty creature, nightmare of almost every bride to be --- Mother-in-law. She claims herself to be a mother & at the same time make sure that you realize the difference of being in "sasural" with her every taunt she innocently hits at you. While, we the freshers in the game can only manage a week smile in response. I didn't  understand as to why girls detest their MIL till i face the trauma of being with her in the absence of my poor better half (poor soul, i pity him for being too much love in with both the ladies).

The whole incident, what do i feel about it, how do my MIL feel it is & the perspective of the extended family (yeah, they should come first when its between MIL & DIL) would require me to write a book with a new edition releasing in every 6 months. However, i bravely take the allegation on my head to point out some of the peculiar features you can expect out of a MIL. Here it goes :

1. She leaves nothing undone to share her accomplishments about how well she managed her big family, what not she has done to keep the bonding alive, how happily she gave up all her hobbies & pleasures to make a family & etc etc. Wouldn't these pearls of wisdom work better as a speech by Nirupa Roy had she received a Lifetime achievement award.  

2. The child-like harmlessness she has while smacking you hard with her razor-sharp comments leaves you weak in knees in a gathering. Knowingly or unknowingly, you could annoy her at any unearthly hour at the drop of a hat. 

3. Trust me, "Palla" is something as debatable and controversial as Delhi residents receiving free water, electricity & WiFi. I wonder if our esteemed composers ever thought of this before writing "tera Pallu sarka jaye re, pallu latke gori ka pallu latke....." when the first thing any MIL would want is not even an inch moving palla. I regret the interrupted views of our gasping husbands for the backless cholis.

4. How difficult it would be to keep aside the happy moments, jokes & laughter you both shared & just taking down the negatives the careless girl has. Grumbling at every care free moment she enjoyed assuming it be her "own home" is not an easy task. Well, you really did some home work, mummy ji.

5. Do you really have an idea of how to fulfill the double rounds of expectations while attempting to save your own identity. Firstly, of your caring son who would love to persistently try  to show he has got the best suitable girl for the family. Secondly, comes you with an attached string of your social circle (whose expectations is definitely yours). While, the girl tries to breath & unfailingly asks herself "Who am I ?" Believe me or not, but you are possibly making a future MIL one of your kind. Period.

Some significant part of the untold story which i went through fortunately at an early stage of my marriage where people mostly tries to be friendly & loving to each other. If ever ask what all does it take to be a good DIL, i will reply "Sanity". Yes, it leaves you frustrated cringing for a dose of compassion which will always be absent at the moment. Whatsoever be it, I wont give up on the fact that some relations need more of time & space to get going & I am certainly not a fairy with a magic wand. And i couldn't agree more to the fact that yes, it do take away the warmth of the new knot tied but lets see how long does it takes to fill the gap. 

cravings...

For the sake of last night

come to me again
with more of passion
love & affection
sparing nothing undone
with a stronger you
& a devoted me

For the sake of the quiet whispers

closer to my ears
say all that is untold
things even you cant hear
which let my heart go to you
my soul when gets high
a playful unending night on it rides

For the sake of the hot breaths

patting my cold shoulders
creeping down my spine
& electrifying the night
hands in hands held so tight
couldn't i even move slight
& our love shall blossom tonight

Khudgarzo ka bazaar

Shehar ki tang galiyo se guzarte mein ne
jub ek naya sa bazaar dekha
bhara hua yun logo se mano koi khel tamasha ho
rangeen sa, apne hone par ithlata hua wo befikar laga
paas jane ko aatur kadam fir badhe usi ki raunak ko
dekhu to mein bhi ja ke to jis jagah sub he chal pade

roshni ki tez dhaar k beech
kuch chehre jaane pehchane se lage
roku jub tak kisi apne ko bheed mein ghum ho wo chale
rukne ki manahi jaise, sub chale hai apni dhun mein he
bawli si mein he dekh rhi hu un aate jate chehron ko
ye kaisa manjar hai jiska na koi or na chor hai
na koi kuch kahe yaha, na he koi kisi ki sunta hai
mol bhaav to yaha bhi hai dikhta
par na jane kon kharid-daar, kis cheez ka hai sauda
thokar se aage aa kar, dekha tumhe bhi mashroof wahin
hairani hui kuch aur kuch khushi mehsoos bhi ki
par ye kya, tum bhi andekha ansuna kar nikal gye
koshish karti tumhe pane ki chali ja rahi mein bhi

ab jub tum nazar ki seema ke paar ho
to thake kadam mera bojh utaye vapas chalne ko hai
tumse krne ki shikayato ki suchi ko rachte-rachte
laut chali mein apne ghar ko vapas usi raah
kautuhal to ab bhi tha ki ho kar kis gali aayi mein
bahar aakar jub dekha to "Khudgarzo ka Bazaar" wo tha

Muskurate he rehna...

jo na hote tum yun beparwah
to kaise lagta pata ki paas ho ke bhi doori ka ehsaas kya hota h
jo karti na tumhari aankhein muh fer ke humse guftagu
to ye judaai ka afsana fir kaise baya hota
jo ye waqt lata na humein aj is dorahe par
to ye pyaar ki di kasmo ka such kaise pata hota
jo ye kadam ab uth rahe hai tumse dur jane ko
inhe na roko ab kyun ki hamara zaruri h jana
jo ye pal hamare bina ki ho haseen tumhare
to fir kehna ki jane se bhi baharein gulzaar hoti h
jo humne kya hai khoya wo shayad tum kya samjhoge
to fir jub na he samjho to fir tasalli de Muskurate he rehna....

Oh God !! tussi great ho

Its her second month. She is far beyond happiness, family is contented & full of pleasure. At last, their prayers are answered. Husband watch her with careful eyes comforting her on every move. Mother-In-Law shares her words of wisdom while she listen to every bit of it with thorough attention. Her two angles wonder about her being so special. When told, they are full of joy. The feel of being responsible & elderly thrills them. It's nothing less than a festival at their house. She looks at all the faces, smiles contentedly & close her eyes for a wish she longed for.

As active as a bee she stays for the next 3 months. She stick to her routine keeping a hold on every thing. Well, "Lady of the house" have its own list of obligations. Making everything as perfect as he could, she & her husband leave for the ritual. This is the only change she has accommodated & followed without fail. No matter how severe morning sickness be, how unpleasant it may get to walk down 2 levels of staircase, nausea prompted by the debris Mamta collected - she is immune to all when to comes to god. He has grant her half of wish and now she wont leave anything undone to make him grant the remaining. Going to the temple & lighting a diya is something to be followed as strictly as god's own words & she follows this as her guiding light. After all, God is patron of last resort and her case is of utmost urgency. Its just few months left. She stills feel guilt of not following it from the day her husband laid her on bed to quench her desire. It would have been better to go from that very day, she mumble. I ll double the count of chants anyway, she decides. 

The two innocent angels admire her dedication. Burdened with the forced elderly charm, they look around for something to be offered by them. Keen on getting the family wish granted, they do the least expected. Giving up their favorite snack - Gol Gappa. Yes, they wont be relishing it until God answers their prayer. 

While my mother narrates all this to me, i carelessly asks - What if a girl arrives ? Do God have time to make a deal with chromosome or else if the power of lighting a diya is as much as changing the gender of conceived baby, why don't defense minster pray for a "Sudarshan Chakra" at Border. God is the most, truly the most we try to fool. And now, i seriously waited for the result. So that i do a better try next. So, here i declared a silent war against the dedicated prayers keeping the sanity & IQ of God at stake. You better lose this time, i mumbled. Though, to be honest i never believe him to be my side. He always doze off when it comes to my wishes. Acting the most devoted bhakt & trying it the first & last time, i took on to say a silent prayer everyday. 

Few days back when i was munching on gujiyas & mathris unaware of the contractions happening in my neighborhood (i pity my social skills), mamma come to me to inform "You have won beta" "lakshmi aayi hai. Poor Lady, she did every pooja with conviction & belief. Its rightly said that we shouldn't fight to get what is not in our destiny." She leave to get more updates & console the angles who couldn't stop crying while i wink at God. Thumbs up man, you truly stands by your name. Now please grant me a thing i ask for - At least provide them with the wisdom to bring up this child with care & love. Let her not suffer the curse of being an unwanted child. And, there i go to get some more mathris in my bowl. Though i feel bad for dwindling sale of nukkad wale gol gappe wala 😋

Turmoil

My days are no longer small
nights provide no comfort call
Each moment crawls by
making heart heavier
every word uttered seems to come
from a hollow me

Who to look up to

When you are wrapped up with
probably something of substance
calling me a burden too hefty
to carry on a peaceful night
in search of a thing so divine
stopping you from looking behind

Whom should i complain to

of the cold shoulder
i shudder to accept
a vacuum thus formed
swallowing all the balm
stranger glance, i fail to get
hundreds of instincts unanswered yet

How to get over

a thing so unlooked for
when I wish for an unending adore
it hurts to be all alone
when least consideration is shown
though i quarrel with me much more
to brave & last it, saving what is yours








 

For you, a million times over

When every day is a battle to fight
brutal murders, sinking heart
you dread the next day to arrive

For you, a million times over

Shall i provide
a face of hope, courage & pride

Every morning when you open eyes
sunshine invades
your space gives up to the plight

For you, a million times over

Shall i be there
with a guard, poise & certainty

At every scream you let out
for the unaccomplished
speaking of the mess about

For you, a million times over

Shall i soothe
words of tranquil, ease & comfort

Each of the harsh you utter
to avoid & restrain
all kind words

For you, a million times over

Shall i come
like a stubborn ever more

I am much more

when you see a little of me
shedding tears
& laugh it off
how do i tell I am much more 

My zombie like walk, smile & laughter
you watch past
without a care
Do you hear me screaming I am much more

To-do or Not when a routine
you put off your ears to all
& just being numb
I wish i could tell you I am much more

How the black dress created a scene
& you took no effort to explain
frowns did you gave
so badly i wanted to declare I am much more 

HOPE

When I look at you with stars in my eyes

Your smile assures me to keep the bright

I wait & wait till the bright fades

Look up to you with a question this time

Your kind face calms & forget not to smile

I wait & wait till my wit leaves

Comes to you with a tear this time

You give me your hand & again just a quiet

I wait this time with all my might

Promising to me not a visit this time

However do I be hard with me

Its’only you my dear hope I cling to

is it me who cant stay far
or is it simply your love to see the breaking star
no doubt its your way to adjourn

persistent i get with your every hush
i shall come with my bright, wit & might
for the time till i get my delight

& after that too...for i know you are for me "Hope"

Wo mulaqat

Abhi kuch roz pehle he

Ye ajeeb si baat hui

Ki jane wale lamhe se kuch yun mulaqat hui

Jub tha wo jane ki behadd jaldi mein

Aur roka mein ne usko, ruka to

Par mann na tha uska

Kehne laga ab jane do,

Chodo ab jub wo baat gayi

Tum dono ke beech ke wo

Na fursat ke din h, na meethi si raat rahi

Hairaan sa hote hue jub toka mein ne

Par jate kaha ho, hum yahi to hain

Dekho to pehle jaise he

Hass kar humpe, hamare badalne ka andaz kuch yun baya kiya usne

Gayi kaha wo nadaaniya jo hoti thi chidhane ko

Ab to haste ho to bhi lagta hai mano khushi nhi jatane ko

 khali sa jo glass rhta hai pada kisi kone mein

Wo bhi ab to bhul gya ki rehte ho tum bhi isi ghar mein

Sooni si balcony jise mila krte thi wo gulaabi raatein

Rehti hai ab intezaar mein koi ek baar use bhi pukaare

Takiye jo kabhi karte the pyaar ki takraar

Ab bhoj hai unpe karwate badalte do ajnabiyo ki raat

chakit dekh mujhe fir bola wo

Sun liya bahut ya ab bhi kuch sun na baaki h

Jee kar dekho wo samay fir se

Shayad fir lage pata ki lamhe zindagi se nhi milte

Lamho se zindagi banana baaki hai

Jab “Yun He…” hum the

Yun he subah ke chaddar se jub dikhte the

Aasma pe bane hue wo nishaa

Baya kare jo tute taro ki dastaan

Unse he to sikhe hum jakhm le kar, dawa se rooth jana

Yun dopahar mein khidki ke kone se suni humne

Girti sambhalti un boodo ki kahaniya

Jo jati thi kisi seep mein dhundhne apna aashiya

Kehti gyi humse pyaar mein khud na hokar bhi usko pana

Khushnuma shaam ko yun he khali se ho kar baithe hum

Hawa jo aati thi zara si nami liye

Us ke he bhatke jhoko ne sikhayi aisi awargi

Ki bhul baithe hum bhi apna-sa lagne wala jahaa

Yun he jub raat ki bhi koshish hoti thi sulane ki

chand ki roshni jo aati thi har raat aangan to lagane gale

kuch is tarah gungati thi wo intezaar ka afsana

sikh gaye fir hum bhi sukhe hue aasuyo ke nishaa mitana….

Ye jo har ghadi tum puchte the hamara haal

Us muskurahat k taale mein bandh hui meri aawaz

kis tarah kehti dil ko lagi thes ka wo bhula sa kissa

“yun he”…nhi de pati thi koi jawaab

Family teaches lesson

I am not one of the kinds who would go to any level for revenge. If you all wonder why have i started at such a hostile note, let me tell you that i have been suffering strengthening by #people'sjudgement&tags they have adorned me with since last month. Now when i say "People" don't assume it to be those related/known to me blindly following the long lines of relations-Grapevine. No, they are the ones with whom i have shared my memorable childhood. It would not be wrong to admit that they used to be the closest sometime. Having known them for years & staying like #cousinsforlife admiring them for the way they cared & loved me, i never imagined our relations to create bad taste ever in my life.

We never knew that the bear hugs we shared will soon be called off with nasty exchange of words. Not an exchange because i am bought up by an over the board patient & forgiving parents. They have remained fervently consistent without losing a bit of their emotional balance. However, not to their extent but i have been gifted by the same virtues. How easy it is to be a foul-mouth with out calculating the risk of losing what all grace has been earned till the time. It doesn't take even a micro second to serve a plate of rumors topped with lemon & coriander leaf which is found equally relishing by the ones who get to savor that. In fact they not only stops there but get high by the mere thought of burping after that. 

Watching these things closely, i have been experiencing a divine feeling of being contented. I feel a vigorous wave of positivism gushing throughout my nerves. What if am younger to them, i know i have been sensitive, understanding & more mature to handle things on my own. I am thankful to my parents who instead of pampering me & suffering my tantrums, inculcated values to be a good human being. They taught me to be respectful for younger as well & never encouraged an insane boasting of my implied authority over others. So for now the mantra is -

For those who claim to reach the stars

Indeed loses their grounds to land

balance goes for a toss & heart goes drained

Do you get some breath or it too falls for your temper

Go get a splash for the ego so high

may it clear the clog of your wise

55 Words Fiction - A precious Gift !!!

Door bell made her leave the seat, bookmarking the webpage. It took some time for her to open the door against the cruel dry summer afternoon wind. 

Moments before her eyes open properly, tiny hands give her something. Unable to say anything to that infectious smile, she started licking "Orange Bar" at door. Simple Pleasures !!!

It all happened overnight !!!

I never believed in the theory of people turning up-side down, (not literally, to be read as change) overnight. I mean as quick as a drop of hat...really. I never happened to meet anyone so fickle minded. Changes do come, i agree but there is a structured phenomena for it..right ? Change in attitude, surroundings, job place, roles of life make differences to what you are but certainly not too quick. We get into a new role, observe it, analyse it, evaluate our compatibility to them, making choices of to be or not-to-be and then if found worthy we do change ourselves. Trust me, nothing is tougher than getting our own selves into a compromise with new things. 

Now, what if i say that it all proved a past story for me. Yeah, for a reasonably rigid difficult-to-mould personality. If given a chance i would throw a bash of kisses for the one who propounded "Its difficult to understand a girl's heart". See, he understood the entire breed so correctly. And definitely i am one of them and will remain so until & unless any exceptional list is provided for the saying. To be honest enough, Tanmay has seldom never complaint of me complicating things unnecessarily, blowing petty issues out of proportions, playing a game of Guess What/do you read my heart bulletin everyday (after all, one who says things straight at face is not a girl) etc etc. So we have always been confident that i don't come to the list of demanding fiance who doesn't let go a moment of stealing the show.

And then it happened...without any clue.

Sinjara - is a ceremony done a day before Gangaur (Parvati ji) & Teej, two of the biggest festivities of rajasthan. Basically Sinjara is done for newly wed/to be wed DIL by her in-Laws. Gifts like saree, sweets (Ghewar, to be precise), jewelry are bought to the girl's house, where she gets ready with all 16-singaar. Gifts are exchanged between families and songs of Gangaur maa are sang. Next day, the girl do gangaur puja, elaborated meal is prepared & ladies do sing, dance & pray for a good husband/long life of husband (Little confusion, you know). In and all its a ladies thing which never appealed to me until yesterday. From yesterday morning till the moment i write this (yes, i am still hopeful) i desperately want a sinjara for me. Though the day has already gone but somehow i am clutching to the hope. I too want to wear a saree, do make up & ready to receive hands full of gifts. If you think that i am getting inspired by my mother or anties who do so then let me make it clear that it's not done in our family. It's a typical Jaipur flavor which my family fails to gorge. 

So what, any day is good enough to start with a new thing. If it all can come to my mind, affect my mind & heart by ultimately breaking it into millions of pieces can't these elders sense & act on it. Now that i am almost sure that nothing exciting can happen, i pray to Gangaur to please flush out these super exciting ideas of getting a doll treatment for myself from my mind.

PS - When Tanmay was told about the super heighted & far reached excitement in my adrenaline for it, he lovingly asked me about what all is done & promises all this to me for next year.

My Lost words

search gets profound
you are still lost without a trail
i am losing my nerves
but there is no way to get you back
did we have a real bad fight
or you are enjoying this game
what is it which is keeping us alone
or you holds back your wish to get along

Is there any wrong done by me
which hit & hurt you acutely
if it's so, please come back to me
i promise i ll be treating you judiciously
the space is vacant and shall so it remain
no more did i feel my warm breath
our unspoken bond is losing its edge
come oh friend before its shread

don't you notice my lonely nights
when you head for your leisure run
a fresh piece, a fragrant new ink
hopes everyday to be used
its all for you for shall be forever
none can & never shall take your place
do you realize how anxious i get
do some soothe oh my lost words

I bow down to you

Her laughter, her grace, her presence & embrace

lights up a house...life...& every vacant space

the moment she take off her eye from you

anxiety grips without any clue

poised is she folded in serenity

little did she say when you hit her dignity

a master of patience she always proves

when nothing is undone to call her a "loose"

she accepts it all with a passive smile

to know her, be in her shoe & walk a mile

No less has been written about Kiran Bedi, Kalpana Chawla, Indira Gandhi, Aishwarya Rai Bacchan on women's day, but while writing the above lines trust me none of these names struck my mind. Who all i was reminded of are :

My Grand mother, who married a freedom fighter, a life tossed on the orders of British Government. She rescued him from the brutal hands by hiding him under her train berth for a day.

My mother, aah she gave it all to us irrespective of how mean we get with her at times.

Young "Beauty" who arrives with an infectious smile to clean our home everyday.

Mamta, who would not miss a piece of dirt on road even in her 7th month of pregnancy.

Honestly, these all ladies has been an epitome of dedication & fervor in whatever they do. They signifies strength, power, positivity, elegance to me.

Stay powerful & keep radiating your eternal strength. 

Will you dance on my tune ?

Oh how i wish

                                                                                                           

you to be soft as silk

creamy & fluid so much as milk

with power of tons to stay at your place

no matter how brutal be attempts to debase

Pic courtesy : Google

How i dream

to turn, twist and toss

touch of red to make you gloss

sometimes a bun, a sloppy curl

& some layers to add to the whirl

Pic courtesy : Google

Now, when i see

you losing your roots

                                                i skip a breath, my wish gets dilute                                            

ends get split and not to be displayed

and who is to be blamed for the grey shade

Pic courtesy : Google

Oh i go sad

when i see you dry

worse it become no matter how i try

oiling doesn't help, wavy you get

magic is lost, or you want some "set wet"

Pic courtesy : Google 

Only when #doveplay  comes to help

my long lost hopes gets some feed

                                        soon shall be the day when you ll be freed                                        

left-right, up-down will i make you strewn

you will be flawless, dancing on my tune  

Pic courtesy : Google 

                                                 
                                      (The dove play song - Make your hair dance on your tune)

    (This post is written for #doveplay contest conducted by Dove in association with IndiBlogger)