An absolute self

Out is still, quiet and calm

While in is playful, cheering and stormy

We see out, while In is shroud

Who are we ???

In or out

Reveal or conceal

In turns action some times

While out gets flimsy space in mind

When these two gets compiled

“An absolute self” is found

Mann…

Ek ansuljha sa ehsaas

Apna ho k b jo apna sa na lage

Lakon ki bheed chod akele vicharta rahe kahi dur

Bhramit ho chhalta fire yun he

Sukhe patte sa udta rahe khwabon k galiyare mein

Kabhi darakht sa rahe tatasthath

Falaye apni baahein samet le har lamhe ko purani jado sa

Fir taumar upahaar de us jhalak ka badalo se jhakti dhup sa

Tez hawa ki gati sa na ruke na sune

Bandh k kub 1 jagah tike

Lg jaye jo kisi se na puchiye haal

Chain cheene neendein kre bekar

Isi ki tarah ho pati mein b

Swachand…natkhat…azad

A new step

Making my way in the crowd of millions minds, I sheepishly come at the door. Anxious to breathe in a new life, trying to desert all that which holds me back…Emotions revive and heart comes alive…colorless face attempts 2 get a glimpse of outside. “What will it look like ??” rules over the sharp pain which engulfs body…longing rises and so do the faith…

Shades of time come again and again…warns, scares and push me back…

Colors, Bright Is what I see…Dark, Grey is what eyes do…

Violent blow I receive and steps out unknowingly. Flow is hard and cruel. I lose my balance and come on knees. Heart pumps fast and mind scolds. Yet the vision of colors is not lost. I look up, a drop falls, touches and pale turns into glow. The Healing heat cures the marks, while shine embraces to imbibe its bit in me.

I cry…I scream….

I walk over all the grey, the blue and the black to welcome the pink and the red. “A new step” as I just call it illuminates reach of my eyes..

Hold your spirit high, vision focused, move out of cocoons, become one with the triumphant energy…

After all…It matters

I am sure we all have (the writer as well readers) been through romantic phases in our lives. Ahhhh….the moment I recall those days, a fresh young smile illuminate my dull and sleepy face (obvious after a study about TAXES). If wonder if romance can make me forget my surroundings for a moment at workplace, the students sitting at back benches are no culprits…its just cupid.

I am remineded of SRK movies wherein the girl used to get wholehearted attention of the most desirable man on this planet (Yes, definitly SRK…and I was not wrong being in his fan faollowing list). In fact it would not be wrong to say that I was introduced to Romance by SRK, thanx to our frquent visits to jaipur which made it possible for me to watch him on big screen. Watching such movies was followed by day dreaming and endless fantasicing about me replacing the girl.

Getting little more grown up, classroom romance sparkled our lives. Exchanging seats to get a glance of our “supposedly love” was a routiene, if answered with a smile was followed by making reservations for the “seat next to her”. Saving her lunch from the rest just to make sure he takes the first bite was the small karvachauth ritual followed by the students. Picnic announcements used to top the wish lists of such “couples” after all he had a right to see her in his favourite colred dress. While guys engaged in doing heroic deeds of approaching the girl with chocolate, the girl used to act indiffrent initially when in her girlie group, later explaining him “sub k saamne accha nhi lgta. Unhe pata chal gya to sub ko bata dengi”

Freedom from school dress, regularised study hours and more liberty and time for this unavoidable emotion was granted by college. Looking for cheap calling plans, Free msgs, evening walks, frequent imaginery B’day parties (some how friend increased many folds) were the common methods of chatting and dating. Roaming in college garden, ears plugged in and whistling, considering it to be cool was again a sign of “dil ki beemari”. 

I garciously thank cafes, fast food centres and isolated benches of gardens which became a witness to life long vows, caring instructions like “pahunchte he phone krna” and honey dipped warnings “Tum nhi kahoge to mein b nhi khaungi”….

I admit that the feel of flying butterflies have kept me awoke thinking about the coming date… it has left me mesmerized at the surprise love notes….Bike rides were never so cherishing….Walking hand in hand became a fascination…pillows got wet on a small tiff and early mornings calls gave days a kick…

Rain added fuel to the missing sessions sitting window side while a group of besties maturely guides…

Though today romance has taken a backstep in my life but the feel is always alive within me…

After all, It Matters

Moments turn short, impact gets profound

Don’t search for it its within found….

"Childlike" Days

I was born into a joint family where 

Joy was shared, sorrow was shared, people were shared.....

While the joy and sorrow i am talking about was a routine thing but the people which are shared holds significance here. It has been long time since we left ancestral house, there are fresh blooming moments alive deep in my grey matter. Thinking about those times, i am amused at the level of patience, tolerance, care and love each member holds for every other. 

Presence of many elderly members taught us to stand every time any of them enters our rooms. "Namaste" with joined hands was the only way to welcome guests and being kids this was always skipped by us thinking that people will forget this by the time visitor leave. Our assumptions used to shattered as soon as gates were closed after bidding good bye. Me and sis used to stand like accused, making no eye contact with grand parents, listening to all the curses made to our "careless attitude", "english medium education" and definitely to some more other factors which i don't remember now.  

Every time a new thing was bought for kitchen, wardrobe even for the bathrooms it was showed to my grand parents with every minute details as to why it was required, how and when it was purchased. Mamma used to wake up the moment she used to hear her MIL getting active in morning. Every festivity used to be grand and our "Baccha party" used to run around the whole premises telling everyone about what all is happening at the other place.

Kids held less importance (as compared to a single child is pampered in nuclear families) and mothers wished to send us out while doing their household chores, infact who needed them when the only thing they would have suggested is to STUDY. Guests, In Laws, cooking, cleaning used to top their priority lists. Acquiring bed at 9 was a habit and that was the only time we were shown affection and care and we too responded with enthusiasm about every activity we did.

My grandma somehow did not liked me watching TV and hence entertainment was limited to watching mythology. ("Jai Hanuman", "Shree Krishna" are few of those) While me and sis always schemed for watching chitrahaar by any means. 

December used to be the most merry making time when our cousins used to visit. Gang used to expand, reach redefined, fresh faces (blossoming with the joy of overcoming HALF-YEARLY), new games used to be introduced, food breaks were frequent when all of us used to have it in 1 plate sitting in circular arrangement.

Coming down at the memory lane, i now find this experience missing from my system (surroundings, thought process, attitude and beliefs). Touch of rough guiding hands is lost, harsh voices to make me scare is no more alive, restricting minds are buried somewhere and to speak the truth i enjoyed every moment of being free from all these shackles, every time i broke any of their rules i celebrated my success. 

Perhaps the effect and values built in me during those days of peaceful co-existence is yet to be discovered.....

Nation apologize...

I am not sure of as to i should write this or not but thoughts are brimming, waiting to be inked. Every time we hear something ugly and cruel, every dining table, public transport, coffee shop (not to forget "Parliament") are full of people  

  

talking, cursing, vowing.....

Every time the next happening turns out to be more brutal, more ghastly proving the above three things (the only things we can do, or rather choose to do) useless. Committees, speedy trials, big promises are always made to console victim and their families. Pain and suffering is advertised in intense and profound words entailing every detail of what has been done and how has been done.

 "Bold and highlighted " stories attracts attention of the nation till any match is played, elections are held, movie ranks top on chart buster....

The sufferer fight themselves, accused either goes on a holiday or stay sealed waiting for any of the above mentioned event to happen, While families rehearse with the answers suggested by our system.

I owe my apology together with the nation to every one who has suffered for providing such beastly creatures all around them who in the search of pleasure or suppressing their own mental deformities do such unacceptable acts. I apologize for being a part of the crowd who choose to be "just speakers" inside our protected spaces...I apologize for ending my role at just a click...I apologize for making your suffering a "move on" accident

Bloom & Gloom

Sometimes we bloom…

when a caring touch heals

flowers smiles while butterflies steals

dews reflects early rays

and welcome the days 

while sometimes are gloom…

when we bear

shed our tears…

when small appears tuff

and we just cant wait enough

scenes change and so do we

Life happens amongst it…